Things That Piss Me Off, #151-170

151. People who yawn loudly. You’ve heard them… they make it a point to go “wuaaahhhh” while yawning rather than doing it silently like a normal person. One would think it would be easier to not have to exert the force on your vocal cords to yawn at 629 decibels… but no…

152. “Scandal” when it’s relating to celebrities. The word actually had meaning at one point… it indicated a prominent political figure’s particularly shocking disservice or disregard for duties, usually for personal advancement or gain. When it’s applied to people with two-digit IQs that I don’t care about, I call verbicide.

153. The timing of commercials in general. I can’t really argue with the fact that it’s good marketing tactics, but do they really have to place commercials right when things get remotely interesting? Even worse is when a show is slated to start at, say, 9:00 and it doesn’t start until 9:06 due to commercials. No excuse there…

154. People who wait until they reach they’re rung up at the cash register to realize they don’t have sufficient cash. When you’re in front of me, I don’t want you blathering on about being a dollar short, shifting about aimlessly as if something’s going to get done. Is it really so hard to do basic math? No, they’re not going to let you go. Yes, you have to put something back. Go. Now.

155. People who ask questions after an explanation clearly addresses them. Recently, I was in an elevator that, for whatever reason, had an operator. He called out “to the ground floor” a good half-dozen times. When we get all the way down and the doors open, some idiot asks, “Is this the bottom floor?” No, it’s Botswana. Maybe you should get off here so that everybody who has had the misfortune of coming across you doesn’t have to deal with you anymore.

156. Bling. I would call it pretentious, but wearing a few kilograms of cubic zirconia on your appendages and neck is hardly flaunting wealth. At the end of the day, it just makes you look ridiculous. If it’s for some sort of validation, then there’s not much that can help you.

157. Those advertisements for IQ tests that are appearing more and more often on the sides of websites. Not only are they perpetuating numerous misconceptions about IQ in general with the stupid test attached, as well as perpetuating unclear and unconfirmed IQ’s of various people, but now they’re advertising IQ’s of fictional characters. Peter Griffin's IQ is not 73. It’s 0.

158. People who put emphasis on words by repeating the last letter a bunch of times. I’m aware that the internet often limits the full expression that people may want, but stressing words like thisssssssss only makes me think you have a speech impediment. There’s a little thing called punctuation for that.

159. People who deliberately misspell things in advertising 'to be cute’ or 'attract customers.' It's one thing if you're writing someone and it is a pun, but elsewhere, the only kind of customer you're going to get is a seething, foaming at the mouth customer armed with Eats, Shoots, and Leaves. (This one might look a tad familiar...)

160. People who say, “Do you know what pisses me off… people who make lists about things that piss them off,” when I talk about this list. Do you really think you’re original? Screw you.

161. Blind corners of any kind. When I’m turning a corner on my way to class with my arms full of books, the LAST thing I’m expecting is somebody to be turning around the same corner in the opposite direction, coming within an inch of colliding with me. Of course, somehow, it’s always MY fault too.

162. Cars that, either due to size or incompetence, have the need to block off the right turn lane at a red light so I can’t get by them. Usually, I’d have no reservations about hitting you, but unfortunately, there are a few laws against that. I’m fairly convinced that a good 2/3 of the drivers on the road at any given time would NOT be able to pass the driving test were a DMV person to fall from the sky and into the passenger seat… somehow…

163. While on that subject, people who walk in the middle of the road in traffic, seemingly for the sole purpose of impeding movement. They might be trying to make a point – or perhaps they’re just unaware that they’re in the middle of the street, but please move before I just step on the gas anyway.

164. People who exclaim “I can play that song on Guitar Hero!” when a song either comes on or is talked about. Don’t get me wrong… Guitar Hero is awesome, but it’s not all that impressive. Oooh! You can press plastic buttons! So can I, actually. I’m an Expert plastic button pusher. You don’t see me bragging about that every time Freebird comes on…

165. People who can’t fathom hypothetical situations. If I pose an idea, asking somebody to suppose something that may not necessarily be true yet in real life, if you reply with “That’s not true, so it can’t happen,” you’re not being clever. Yes, I knew that, thank you. Now if you had an iota of intelligence in your body... oh wait… “That can’t happen,” you’d say.

166. People who take pictures of others against their will. I honestly don’t give a crap what I look like in pictures for the most part, but on sheer principle, it’s just obnoxious if you’re taking pictures of people if they’re sleeping, doing something else that diverts their attention away from you, or something else along those lines. Worse yet if it’s a video…

167. During finals or any test at all, how whenever anybody sneezes, there’s a 30-second chorus of “Bless you” and “Thank you” before everybody can recommence working. It’s more distracting than anything, and, as always, accomplishes nothing. I pose the following: at the beginning of a test, everybody is automatically “blessed” and thus need not worry about your soul being blown out of your nose. Deal?

168. When people sign out of AIM or a similar instant messaging system randomly, be it on their own volition or not, in mid-conversation without warning. This makes me immediately think I’ve done something horribly wrong and offensive. Yes, I know sometimes it’s out of your control and such, but please, try to squeeze a brief valediction in there, lest I tear my hair out trying to think of how I may have screwed up. (And as always, if I DID do something wrong, I invoke #76.)

169. People who automatically crack up anytime someone says the word 'balls.' Balls are round, often bouncy objects that children play with… not male genitalia. Do you support children indiscriminately playing with male genitalia? I didn’t think so…

170. People who have never heard of Caltech. When I would tell people that I wanted to go to Caltech (and now that I am going to Caltech), I would sometimes get the response “Isn’t that that school that you hear about on TV all the time?” No. That would be ITT Tech. Slight difference, there.