Things That Piss Me Off...

(Please note, these aren't in any particular order, but rather in the order that came to mind.)

1. FUN-SIZED CANDIES. Those suckers have to be a billion times smaller than the normal kind. Why? Somebody... please enlighten me as to what’s so fun about less candy. So, you have a fun-sized Crunch bar. Whoop-dee-doo! You have less than an ounce of chocolate that you can pop in your mouth and be done with in three seconds. Fun? I THINK NOT.

2. I’m trying to download something onto my computer, right? And it says “5 seconds remaining.” I’m getting excited… and then it starts going UP! 10 seconds… 15 seconds… What’s happening? Are the files spontaneously taking it upon themselves to walk off and leave my computer? Come on! If I make the stupid, spur-of-the-moment choice to download something from your company that I’ll forget about in two days anyway, at least give me an accurate reading of how long it will take until I can start using your product – before I lose interest.

3. Ooh, this one’s a biggie. People who wear t-shirts of bands just because they think that the shirt looks cool. I see somebody wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and I say. “Hey! Led Zeppelin! Sweet! What’s your favorite solo?” And all they can do is reply, “Yeah... Led Zeppelin... I love that guy!" Please. PLEASE. I implore you. If you’re going to wear the band shirt, at least be FAMILIAR with the band, let alone like them. Which brings me to…

4. People who talk about stuff they don’t have a clue about. Somebody is going on and on and on about how a movie they have never seen is terrible – just to fit in with the crowd. The best sentence they can come up with is “it sucks.” I ask them what made the move suck so, and all they can say is “Well… it just sucked.” Come on, I know it’s a foreign concept, but if you’re going to state an opinion, actually HAVE an opinion.

5. Why, oh why do people say inanimate objects are “retarded” or “gay”? A bad joke cannot be retarded; it cannot be gay. Last time I checked, jokes neither had a form of intelligence, nor did they have a form of sexuality.

6. WHY do people insist on bringing their smelly, screechy babies into the movie theaters? I’m all hyped up to see a scary movie, and some little twerp starts bawling about some tragedy that had befallen him. Is going to a movie simply an excuse to prove the fertility of the couple? Just leave the baby at home with a sitter, and let me eat my popcorn in peace.

7. People walking around with those cell phones that don’t require hands. What am I supposed to think when somebody is walking up the street, talking to somebody when there is no phone visible or anybody beside them? Those things were designed to be used to talk to somebody when you don’t have your hands available. Please, don’t flaunt your wealth. Maybe you’ll get fewer blank stares from everybody you pass by.

8. Your typing away on your computer at two in the morning, finishing up some assignment that you’ve put off to the last minute… and your computer pops up a box that says something along the lines of, “Error creating registry key. System object Kernel32 has caused an error and will now be shut down.” Your work is now lost in cyberspace. Worst of all, you don’t even know what happened! One would think it would be easier to program the box to say something that makes sense to everybody like, “The tech that made this system was fired just before its completion,” rather than some computer jargon that leaves you wondering why your computer has just kicked the bucket.

9. Smokers. You’re walking to Starbucks to get yourself a drink, and there’s always that cluster of morons who take it upon themselves to pollute their lungs and subject the pollution to others at the tables outside. Seriously, if you want to decimate your lungs, go right ahead, it’s none of my business… but please, do you have to gradually kill yourself in public and do so to others in the process?

10. What the hell is with those little medleys of 2-second clips of various songs that some radio stations do before they play a string of FULL songs? Oh so often, there's a song that comes up first on this medly-thingy-from-hell that you're really excited about hearing... only to be disappointed when it is cut off by another song snippet. Worse yet, you now know that the station won't be playing that song any time soon either... Sorry.. I just don't quite see what it accomplishes other than disappointing people...

11. Why is it everybody always wants to stop in entryways? You’re walking into a building and there’s this doorway. People always stop in the doorway. Nobody else can get in or out, and they just stand there. Even worse… the top of an escalator! You’re going up an escalator, and you see some imbecile standing there at the top. You and the other 846 other people going up the escalator are about to crash into a brick wall! Why can’t these people figure out where they want to go… before they start going there?

12. I’m sorry people, but there’s no such thing as flavored water. I mean, there are whole aisles of this garbage at the supermarket. It’s water… but without that watery taste. You want some flavored water? Take some ice, pour some Scotch over it, and let it melt. There’s your flavored water.

13. Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all surprised that a severed finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. I mean come on… it cost less than a dollar. Seriously people, what did you expect it to contain, trout?

14. WHY IS THERE BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE THRU ATMs? I mean, exactly who are they marketing to? Who are they expecting to use them? Although based upon the way most people drive… After all, isn’t that the reason why roads have bumps between lanes… so people can drive by Braille? But seriously, what kind of a sick world is this? Sure, everybody wants to be “handicapped-friendly”… but there’s a limit!

15. Those little internet ads with mini-games to “win”. Let’s face it… those games are so freakin’ tempting, but you couldn’t even pretend to care about the thing that you’re supposedly going to win. Of course, if you complete the game, you’ll be sent a deluge of windows and pop-ups that take two minutes to close, rendering the perfectly good game undesirable. Free ringtones? Screw that. I’m here to whack Bush in the face…

16. Why, oh why is lemonade made with artificial flavor while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? There is something seriously wrong here, people. I’m not about to go about drinking dishwashing detergent... but seriously. The lemon tree, along with producing lemons to spread its offspring, also produces them for the nutrition of animals… not for dishwashers.

17. If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

18. When people say “Can I ask you a question?” Come on! This is clearly a question. By doing this, you leave me no options, as you have already asked me a question. Plus, now you’ve gotten rid of the power card of me just ignoring you.

19. A "Sports Utility Vehicle". Please tell me what sport constitutes the amount of flagrant waste of gasoline, inconsideration to other drivers on the road, parking space waste, traffic hazards, and personal death traps. Okay, other than NASCAR…

20. Computer error messages that only give you one option: “OK”. When I’m in the middle of typing an essay, and Word spontaneously closes, the last reaction that comes to mind is “OK”. I was thinking something more along the lines of “Die… now…”

21. This happens with every installment of the Harry Potter books: Idiots from the radical, fundamentalist Christian community come out of the woodwork to condemn J.K. Rowling and her stories. Every time, Christian Leaders organize a good ol’ fashioned book burning with Harry Potter hardcover editions as their kindling. Those copies add up to big cash which eventually winds up in the pockets of J.K. Rowling and Scholastic Publishing anyway. Literacy in this day and age is very important. Today's world calls for people who can read quickly and comprehend what they've read. If that has to be done by reading things that are not - in the church's eyes - holy, then so be it, says I.

22. People who applaud at the end of movies. You idiots disgust me. Do you seriously expect your applause to permeate the silver screen and magically reach every single name mentioned in the end credits? You’re accomplishing nothing but looking like morons… although I’m thinking more and more lately, judging by the behavior of people, that they are actively TRYING to give the impression of having IQs of their shoe sizes.

23. Why do people in front of lines insist on doing something other than the thing they’ve been standing in line FOR for 37 hours? Somebody’s yapping away on their cell phone, talking to the friend they’re going to see in two minutes anyway while everybody behind them is waiting. And, inevitably, you’re one of them. Oh, how brilliant people are… Which brings me to…

24. People with ringtones that they find so enthralling, they have to stop and listen to whatever dumb song they have set before they pick up their damn phone. All too often, this leads to them forgetting to answer their phone entirely, thus completely defeating the purpose of having the ringtone in the first place. The original ring was designed to get peoples’ attention and be a little annoying, so you want to stop the sound by picking up the phone. I mean… I’ve got Metallica as my ringtone, but I can listen to the WHOLE FREAKIN’ SONG on my iPod rather than rock out to a 15-second snippet.

25. People who think dollar coins are worth a lot. Guess what people? They’re worth… um… $1.00. So please don’t feel so special when you put $5 bills in the vending machine to get your 75¢ item and have four ‘oh so shiny’ dollar coins rain down for you. Tell you what… the next time I get one, I’ll sell it to you for $1.01… you’ll never guess who’ll be profiting…

26. People who use sounds as adjectives. I ask somebody what they thought of a certain test and all I get as an answer is, “Bleahhh!” or something equally asinine. Is it too much to ask for people to use coherent words? There’s a little thing called language that has been developing over the past few tens of thousands of years… you may have missed it.

27. Notebook paper that the manufacturers go out of their way to make 8 x 10.5 rather than 8.5 x 11. I’m fairly sure that the machines that cut and pack these papers into their final sizes have an automatic 8.5 x 11 setting, requiring actual EXTRA work to set it up to cut slightly smaller. This extra work just ends in a few pages of notes in my binder being strangely smaller than the rest when I borrow paper from people who actually buy this crap… if they end up fitting at all…

28. Ugh… I absolutely hate those little ‘Calorie-Light’ cans of soda that are just the same damn thing, only half-sized. They’re about 80% the price of the normal sized cans… yet people still buy them, somehow duped into thinking that “Oh… the soda must be more healthy.” NO! It’s the same damn thing… there’s just less of it. If you’re so concerned about drinking too much soda, you might as well just get the normal sized ones, save yourself some money in the end, and… perhaps… drink HALF OF A CAN AT A TIME?

29. Who's cruel idea was it to put the letter “S” in the word ‘lisp’? I swear… the English language itself seems to be bent on making people unhappy. I mean… is there anybody that isn’t still is a bit nervous at the fact that what they call doctors do on a daily basis “practice”? And the whole deal with parking on a driveway and driving on a parkway… What idiot came up with that? Can I punch him?

30. People who at fast food restaurants, decide to start looking at the menu AFTER the cashier starts taking their order. The rest of us in line have long since decided what we’re getting by either perusing the menu beforehand or by just not being freakin’ indecisive imbeciles and we’re waiting for you with your head pointed toward the menu for a decade like some birdwatcher, going “Ummm…” Did you ever stop to think that the reason the menu is so conveniently placed in plain view from the front door is so you can decide what you want before you reach the register?

31. MTV, VH1, and BET. …I’m just gonna take the liberty to lump all these into one item just so I’m spared having to think about them for an extended period of time, lest my brain combust from the sheer murderous rage they invoke. Do we really need so many television channels geared toward the 70-85 IQ bracket? Not to mention how these channels have single-handedly ruined the music tastes of teenagers everywhere…

32. I’m really not a fan of singers who drag out the national anthem to ridiculous lengths. I’m fairly sure that when Francis Scott Key wrote “The Star Spangled Banner”, he did not intend for the line “For the land of the free…” to take 76 years to sing. It’s people like you that made the War of 1812 go past the actual year 1812…

33. People who stand up in front of you at rock concerts to do something that, in the vaguest sense of the world, could be described as dancing. I’m not here to see you move yourself around at erratic intervals in random directions; I didn’t pay money to watch YOU; I’m here to see the band, just like you.

34. If you’re on this side of “the pond”, please spell the word “theater” properly… with the “e” before the “r”. I don’t know what you’re aiming for by spelling it this way, but be it sophistication, properness, or merely just being cute, you’re missing miserably. You might be sinking a shot for “pretentious prick”, but that’s about it.

35. The question “can I ask you a favor?” Sure, you can ask me a favor, but don’t get mad when I turn you down when it’s something that’s either a bad idea or something I just flat-out don’t want to do. Your question requested asking me the favor, not for me to immediately indiscriminately grant it. Besides, how am I supposed to accept something when I don’t know what I’m accepting?

36. People who don’t know the difference between its/it’s, your/you’re, or they’re/their/there. I probably learned the difference at age 6 or something, so there’s no excuse for any of you. Especially on Internet forums… Unfortunately, I can’t tell the difference between laziness and stupidity on the internet, so I assume the latter…

37. How, when you get a new TV, you usually need 3-4 different remotes to be able to access everything you need. I really don’t want to take the time to figure out which remote does what and where each one is at any given point. This is especially obnoxious when one turns the TV itself off, but another is required to turn the sound off. Worse yet, it costs MORE for you to have one remote that does it all…

38. Athletes who point to the sky after they score a basket/goal/whatever. Why is it that when you miss your shot, you don’t point to the ground… or just use a different finger entirely?

39. People who write checks during check-out in lines at a store. I’m sorry… what century is this again? Why couldn’t you have written the name of the store while you were in the back of the line? It’s not as if the name is going to change while you’re in line…

40. Any video that is on some site, usually Youtube, in multiple parts, with numerous bogus “Part x+1”s when there have only been x videos. They’re usually obnoxious remixes, rehashing of older ones, or, worst of all, other people impersonating the persons in the original series. You’re just annoying people who actually want to see the videos themselves, not your crappy renditions.

41. When you ask me what I got on a test, please don't get pissed at me for "bragging" when I tell you I did well. You asked the question, so why do you get so angry when I answer? I can usually remedy this by merely answering, "I did well." But when you go so far as to ask for an exact value after I say that, please just accept the exact number and move on...

42. People who don’t get Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy references. I don’t think I need to go much more into this one. (OK, it’s alright if you haven’t read it yet… but just go out of your way to do it sometime soon. If you thought it was just a movie, then a nasty conversation may be in store…)

43. College counselors who go on and on about “writing recommendations on our own behalf” for our teachers. Seriously… Especially when my class only has 52 students in it, if a teacher seriously needed me to remind him/her of all the stuff I did in his/her class, I probably wouldn’t have asked him/her to write my recommendation in the first place.

44. Stores that tend to use “Going out of Business” as a marketing tactic. I’ve seen numerous stores that have been at this status for some time now, due to the revenue they seem to be getting just from having those signs up all over the place. Apparently Linens ‘N Things has marked up their merchandise just to lower it to the “sales price” (which is what the price was in the first place.)

45. People who seem to think that libraries are the place to romp around and abuse technology on which they are supposed to be doing *gasp* actual work. It seems that whenever I’m actually trying to be productive, there’s a group of people that has the collective IQ of a paperclip laughing about some stupid thing or other on the internet. Shut up. Big people are working.

46. The saying ‘New and Improved’. Well… which is it? If it’s new, then it can’t possibly be improved from anything, as the concept didn’t exist beforehand. If it’s improved, then it can’t possibly be new, as it entails a reworking of an existing idea. When it comes down to it, they should just post what ‘New and Improved’ actually means: “Smaller and More Expensive”.

47. “This page intentionally left blank”. You can imagine where my issues begin with this. First of all, if you’re gonna leave it blank, don’t tell us of your intent ON THAT PAGE, as it defeats the purpose. Second, if you have all the extra space, that’s wonderful… how about adding more stuff? (Note: This does not necessarily apply for the SATs… although a few little cartoons might be nice.) Save the trees. They provide oxygen and stuff. Plus… they’re bigger than us…

47½. This rant intentionally left blank.

48. I really think it’s downright idiotic how some college applications have a “character limit” rather than a “word limit” on some of their essays. It lends itself to forcing me to simplify my language to fit within the tight space, rather than use certain longer words that describe what I’m talking about more aptly. Yes, I’m aware that sometimes simplification of language is a very favorable thing… it’s just I don’t imagine college is one of those times… Plus, you can imagine my look of horror when I initially misread it as “1500 words”…

49. When DJs on radios say something along the lines of having “non-stop music all day long.” Great! I probably would have figured it out had you not come on there with your worthlessness. Plus, now that you’ve started talking, it’s not non-stop anymore, is it? Shut up. We’re not here for you.

50. When some idiot cuts you off on the road or something and sticks their arm out the window as some sort of sign for an apology. Look, I don’t care if you’re apologizing or not… I’ll just take it for granted that you do so long as you keep that hand you’re waving around at me ON THE DAMN STEERING WHEEL. Apparently you can’t even drive properly with two hands, so what makes you think driving with one will justify it?

51. Does anybody else find it strange that college apps take so much work, possibly to the detriment of other activities? Oftentimes, these activities are things you’re mentioning in your applications, thereby forcing you to lie about your hours. I think there’s something seriously wrong when applying to college actually thins out your resumé…

52. People who seem to be devoid of any form of work integrity whatsoever. I tutored some girl in Biology last year for 6 hours straight, as she hadn’t so much as read the book and had effectively forgotten everything from the semester. This year, after missing 2-3 weeks of school, she goes to me and asks me to do the same for her for Chemistry. I told her I would do it on the condition that she read the book and take her own notes before I help, so as not to repeat last year. She refused, expecting me to teach her everything, even going so far as to go to the chemistry teacher to ask him to ask the AP Chem class for another tutor. That’s not my job. I got paid a buttload last year, but on sheer principle, it’s just obnoxious.

53. People who try to force EVERYONE to live by THEIR personal social codes. I do believe I’ve made this clear on multiple occasions… but a certain proposition passing recently warrants it another mention.

54. When people see the emotional results of a really traumatic series of events in someone's life and reduce THEIR explanation of it to "he needs to get laid." Yes, I understand that oftentimes this is a joke… but it’s tasteless and extremely obnoxious (the condition of the author aside…)…Ignore that last bit…

55. People who sign onto AIM and immediately put on their away message. It defeats the purpose entirely. If you’re putting on the away message immediately… why sign on in the first place? That 1/4 inch of space you’re taking up on my Online Buddies list makes me scroll down all the more… if it’s just to say something clever, that’s what status messages are for…

56. People who say, "It's a free country; I can do whatever I want.” Read the Constitution… or something. You also have the freedom to shut the hell up, but you don't seem to be inclined to exercise that one... Freedom isn’t to be taken for granted, jackass.

57. How sometimes, when an iPod is playing through an album in which the songs are all supposed to flow into each other, it adds a two second pause in the middle of the most awesome transition in there in its “loading” period. It works just fine about 80% of the time… but it’s usually when I’m paying attention that it does it wrong…

58. “Christmas” themes, be they in stores or on the radio or television, that start before Thanksgiving. The things people do just to get more money for their companies… and how people actually buy into this bullcrap… ugh…

59. People who, when I tell them my e-mail address, number, or something in person, elect not to write it down because they’re confident they’ll remember it. Of course… they end up forgetting it and ask me again in a couple days until I just tell them, write it down, and e-mail it to them all at once… just for them to forget it again.

60. The fact that under-the-cap contests on soda bottles are now in code form and you have to go to out of your way to some dumb website to find out you lost. I never go online to put these codes in… for all I know, I could have unknowingly won some neat… keychains… or something…

61. Companies that work together, usually one sponsoring the other, to churn out ridiculous products. About a year or two ago, I saw in a grocery store that apparently Parker Brothers and Kellogg’s had gotten together to make Trivial Pursuit Pop Tarts. Yes, this actually happened… the Pop Tarts had questions on them in the icing. I hate how these people actually get money from this crap. Here’s the box, if you're still skeptical (and rightfully so) :https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYkdVADkmTKYo6h9AUxRI9tnoIYTWa08IEfnSG1698LbZ7_rX2WdGBsZK-wKFJuzbyzpE2s1DJ6kJuJ7jP8x5nPwBdVQt4SgJ7_sNYOzC-BcDeMxTbA9XlbLqCFvieBa5e2Bvw1XKFR1c/s1600-h/trivialtarts.jpg

62. People who combine a couple’s names into one collective name to refer to them. It’s not cute, but just sounds stupid. They are still separate people, last time I checked. This is especially obnoxious with celebrity couples. Just… shoot me now…

63. That horrible feeling after waking up from a really kick-ass dream and realizing none of it actually happened. I probably can recall my dreams once a month MAYBE at a maximum… and some of them are just awesome things that are so significant in this non-reality, only to disappear in a wisp upon waking up… and you can’t help but feel a little gypped, thus rendering the amazing dream awful.

64. How when parents know that they’re egregiously losing an argument, they pull out their so-called trump card of “I don’t want to fight with you.” By this mere statement, it effectively nullifies everything you can have to say afterward. It’s cheap, it’s obnoxious, and it robs me of my satisfaction… which isn’t a good move.

65. Pop-up blockers. It seems, infallibly, that they always manage to block new windows that you actually want, but let idiotic advertisements go right on ahead unchecked. I really wouldn’t imagine it to be too hard to remedy this… just have it be a program that can recognize similarities in web addresses between the two windows, so the related window you’re trying to open doesn’t get murdered.

66. The fact that there may very well be more votes for American Idol in a given season than for a presidential election. Of course, this includes people who vote 528 times (which just missed getting a rant of its own)… but seriously people? It is truly sickening that more people go out of their way to elect which person with an IQ of 12 should win some fake show than elect somebody who effectively shapes the entire world. Priorities.

67. When cereal commercials say, “Part of a complete breakfast.” What the hell is it supposed to even mean? Who defines a “complete breakfast” and what are you trying to tell us when your product is only “part” of it. I’m sure this litigious society would find some way to sue these companies were they not to say this… which just pisses me off even more.

68. When people start whooping and jeering when I say “I don’t know” when some esoteric question is asked of me in class. I know it’s meant to be somewhat laudatory in their apparent expression of surprise that I don’t know something, but it really accomplishes nothing and just wastes time. I’m here to learn… just like you…

69. People’s obsession with the number “69” in general. Yes, it’s a sexual position. I am aware of this. It’s actually kinda novel how the lower part of the six and the upper part of the nine are… *ahem*… but I digress. These people who make such a big deal out of the number whenever it pops up only make the number less and less interesting in its symbolism. People who overuse it are not funny and probably are just expressing some longing for such encounters that are far out of reach for them. (Anybody who references number 54 for me for this will be punched. Hard.)

70. When people get mad at you for getting mad at them for doing something idiotic. What do you expect me to do when you start pretending to ignite my lab write-up during a Calorimeter lab? Just sit back and marvel at the “oh so wonderful” job you’re doing? No. You deserve for me to yell at you in front of the class. You can defend yourself, but realize you deserve what I’m saying… and realize I could do a lot more verbal damage if I so chose.

71. Parties in which (usually awful) music is playing at levels requiring you to shout at people two feet away for them to hear you. Last time I checked, parties were *theoretically* supposed to be about socializing and having conversations with people. So… wouldn’t you think this would be facilitated by perhaps playing music at below 658 decibels? Nah… that would *gasp* make sense…

72. At bowling alleys, invariably, any and all bowling balls that are your preferred weight have finger holes fit perhaps for a euglena. Every single time, every single 13-pounder I find has holes too small for my fingers… and it’s extremely annoying because I look like an idiot with the 15-pounders.

73. It seems that whenever I pour myself a glass of Coke, one of two situations always comes into play: the first being I pour just too much in, causing it to fizz and spill out all over the place, the second being I pour just too little in, resulting in about 2 microliters of soda being left when the fizz dies down. This is probably some sort of stupid marketing tactic… and I don’t like it…

74. Going back to escalators, I do believe their main function is to FACILITATE movement between floors. Other than that, they are essentially in the same league as flights of stairs. So what pisses me off is people who just stand still and let the escalator take them up slowly. I walk up the escalators… because that’s what they’re designed for. When you’re in my way, you’re just being dead weight… as if you weren’t already.

75. When you have something really clever and/or important to say and forget what it was as soon as the opportunity arrives to get your words in. This is especially bad when you start talking before you realize you had forgotten, leading you to just stop and stare blankly into space for a bit. In the rare occasion that it comes back to you, the conversation has inevitably moved past it.

76. People who aren’t candid with me. If I’m intrusive, tell me. If I’m overstepping my bounds, tell me. If I just annoy the hell out of you in general, by all means tell me. I won’t be offended. If I ask you about any of this, tell the damn truth. Better to know what you’re actually thinking than spare my feelings. Seriously.

77. Do realize that if you are on the other end of 76, I will answer truthfully. So be prepared for the truth, considering you asked the question. I’d be nice about it… that’s a given. But seriously, don’t go ballistic when I tell you the truth. Once again, better to know what I’m actually thinking than have your feelings spared. It’ll benefit you more in the end.

78. The term “reverse discrimination.” I don’t care who it’s coming from. I don’t care who it’s directed toward. Discrimination is discrimination. No “reverse” about it. Why the distinction? The “reverse” in the term almost seems like a way to justify it; just because it’s the group that’s perceived to be least discriminated toward is receiving it shouldn’t have any bearing on anything. Of course, in reality, such is not the case. Grrr…

79. That stretch of time in late October and December/January when I have to wake up for school before the sun comes up. Psychologically, I just feel even more tired when I look outside and it’s still dark. Even worse, when I wake up early to do homework and the sun comes up much later, I’m led into a false sense of security as to having more time than I really do. I look outside and am elated at the fact that it’s still dark and think I have an hour or so to finish, then look at the clock and see that it’s 6:30 and I’m out of time.

80. Having to reset all of the digital clocks in my house after a power outage. I find the need for them all to be reasonably synchronized and, of course, this can’t usually happen. I’ve actually had my mom get mad at me for correcting a clock to its correct time, because she wanted it a few minutes fast for some reason. I.don’t.understand.it.

81. Magazines that always have their “edition” dated for a month or two after its release date. That would be just like me calling this “Issue #11”. There clearly hasn’t been that many yet, so it’s stupid. Once again, this is clearly YET ANOTHER stupid marketing tactic. It tricks people into buying older editions when the future date that is on the magazine actually comes to pass.

82. The term “alternative rock.” It seems to be a catch-all category for the greater portion of most modern rock music. If it isn’t hip hop, rap, metal, or “nu metal” *shudder*, it’s merely considered “alternative”. First of all… ‘alternative’ to what? Just define it goddamn it! When Coldplay and Linkin Park are in the same genre, you know there's something wrong.

83. People who speak in acronyms. I can almost tolerate their use over the internet, but to actually say them out loud? The one that really gets me is when people actually SAY “LOL” to something they perceive to be funny, but yet not quite laugh-worthy, bringing forth all sorts of obvious contradictions. It’s just… lame…

84. When people don’t answer me when I say something, leading me to repeat a couple times, eventually bringing them to snapping at me irritably that they’d “heard me the first time.” Well that’s just great. How am I supposed to know that? I’m not a mind-reader for crying out loud. You could have been just not listening or something, for all I know… I mean, I do THAT all the time…

85. People who use the excuse “the beginning is slow” for a movie and/or book when it is more than about 30 minutes or 60 pages in to try to rope people into it more. Too much foundation; not enough substance. The main purpose of a book/movie is for it to hold the reader/viewer’s interest from BEGINNING to END. If it has clearly failed to do so in such a large portion of the work, then it is simply not worth my time.

86. Any of those automated phone menus when you’re calling an agency of some sort. These can be nice, I suppose… when they actually have the option you’re looking for as part of the “If you want blah blah blah, press 1” menu. If they don’t have it (which happens more often than not, in my experience), you’re forced to either go to a remotely related option and look like an idiot when you’re finally connected to somebody or just forget the whole thing.

87. Misuse of the word “literally”. When people say something along the lines of, “It was so funny, I literally died,” we’ve got issues. I sure damn well hope you didn’t actually die. Even if I did, I’d be pretty confused and probably kind of annoyed that you were still talking to me. Say… that would make a good response for the next time somebody does that…

88. The fact that the baseball championship in the United States is called the “World Series.” Regardless of the fact that it could very well be true that the winning team of that series is the best team in the world, it’s awfully presumptuous to crown them “World Champions” without them actually traveling the world playing. Plus, it robs me of the possible satisfaction of seeing them get upset by some random Mid-European team.

89. How for almost every low-end comedy, the preview contains every single last line in the movie that could possibly be perceived as remotely humorous. Oftentimes, the funny preview actually brings me to blow $11 on the movie when it comes out, only for it to suck with absolutely no other material. Then, because you’ve heard all the funny lines before, the movie just gets pulled even lower.

90. Crocs. Not the animal; the shoes. I don’t care how “comfortable” they might be, you look like a bloody idiot wearing vaguely-cut plastic on your feet. Not to mention… they can be up to freaking $50! It probably costs about ¼ of a cent to manufacture a single pair, yet these things continue to sell. These marketing tactics… again…

91. Those “Eat this, not this” charts. More often than not, they’re comparing two completely different foods and telling you which one is healthier. I don’t need you to tell me that a plate of celery is healthier than three pounds of bacon. I’m fully aware of this and choose the latter anyhow, idiots.

92. When you’re typing away to a friend on an Instant Messenger and toward the end of a long, drawn-out explanation or something, somebody else messages you, causing a good portion of what you were saying to go into that person’s box instead. This becomes a billion times worse if you accidentally send it to that person. Then you have to go through the whole explanation and they just laugh at you.

93. When people aren’t aware of original versions of perfectly good songs. I recall recently somebody saying something that brought up the phrase “I’m a believer” which prompted some moron to say, “Wasn’t that a song by Smashmouth?” Breakfast in America (originally by Supertramp, of course) is a similarly frustrating example of this. This is by far the most annoying when, upon their eventual succumbing to my urging to listen to the original version, they don’t like the actual recording.

94. Unless you’re Dracula, I don’t want to see you walking around with a popped collar. This completely runs contrary to the purpose of a collar in the first place… to make you be perceived as moderately presentable in some contexts. Although usually, when you’re a collar-popper, you’re beyond the point of ever looking presentable for anything as it is….

95. When musical groups use their Greatest Hits albums as a place to release ‘previously unreleased tracks’. This usually translates to either reject tracks that they’re only releasing now, live versions of previously successful songs, or entirely new songs that won’t be released otherwise. No matter what way it goes, it’s designed to make you buy the entire album full of songs you already have to get usually one song (two if you’re lucky) that you couldn’t get otherwise.

96. When, upon putting on a fresh pair of warm socks, you always find a way to step into a puddle of water in a nearby bathroom, forcing you to put on an entirely new pair. Of course, by Murphy’s Law, this pair of socks was your last warm pair too. Speaking of which…

97. It seems that during summer, I can only find warm, winter-ish clothes in my room and during winter, I can only find T-shirts and such. I’ve heard of the “sock gnomes” systematically removing single socks from pairs… but entire season’s worth of clothes? It’s quite absurd, really.

98. It seems that when you forget a towel for a shower, you only realize this after you’ve turned the water off at the end. You’re left with two options now. One: shout awkwardly from the bathroom for somebody to get you a towel. Two: Run even more awkwardly naked to a place where towels are kept. Either way, you come off like a moron.

99. How colleges that have websites on which to check your admissions decision force you to wait until some pre-determined time to check for your decision. Clearly, they’ve finished it at some point before then and are just waiting until the predetermined time for the applet to go up. Sometimes, even worse, you’re just e-mailed beforehand anyhow (usually in the case of rejection), rendering the applet useless.

AND…

100. Psychologically, due to a construct in people’s minds, there’s something inherent about the number 100 on a list that seems to inherently denote a necessity for an epic wrapping-up of all past entries. This mere psychological roadblock forces the writer of the light-hearted list to find some sort of higher meaning to the purely ridiculous list itself in this summation. “Screw it!” I say, and just let it be.


...so how was YOUR day?