Of course it’s not over… what did you expect?
101. People who say things like “Everyone knows that!” or “Everybody does this” and other such things prefaced with “everyone.” Who exactly is this “everyone?” I want to meet him/her… seems like a real popular person…
102. When people say somebody or something had a “complete 360-degree turnaround” when referencing a drastic change. This is just stupid… it’s fairly common knowledge that a turn of 360 degrees would leave you exactly where you started from. This also leads to other conundrums as to what constitutes a proper “180-degree turnaround” and if there are intermediate values. Can I say I had an 86-degree turnaround since the beginning of the year?
103. Those internet things that measure your “Real Age.” I understand their intentions, but to call it a person’s “real age” is just stupid. I don’t care if some 72-year-old works out for 159 hours a week and eats nothing but broccoli… they’re still 72 freaking years old and not 57, or whatever it says.
104. People who are under the impression that religion is a necessity of a proper upbringing. I don’t want this to be a repeat of my prior rant on the subject, but it warrants another mention in this context. Bottom line: religion does much more bad than good. I plan to raise my children (if applicable) as free-thinkers. Sure, I’ll tell them about religion, but certainly not make it an integral part of their upbringing, so they can make those decisions on their own.
105. I’m normally very tolerant of spelling errors (given a situation where it’s casual conversation anyhow), but there are certain spelling errors that annoy the hell out of me for reasons unknown. Spelling “Kindergarten” as “kindergarden” is one of them, along with misspellings of “definitely” and “ridiculous.” On an actual online forum where otherwise intelligent conversation is going on, spell check is a must and all spelling errors piss me off.
106. People who continue to mispronounce names after countless corrections. A name is a very personal thing… and people can take great pride in them. So when you conveniently leave off a few letters or put an emphasis on incorrect syllables, it's obnoxious in general... and potentially highly damaging. (My name's easy... no hidden tricks there, but still...)
107. On that subject, I really don’t like it when I find out I’ve been mispronouncing somebody’s name for years. Please tell me immediately if I mispronounce your name, as it makes me feel like a real jerk when I do so. People who try to wave it off as insignificant shouldn’t. Once again, a name is the very essence of one’s being.
108. People who use “the baby voice.” I don’t care if it’s toward a six-month old child; I find it to be extremely demeaning and unduly condescending. It’s not cute. It’s not loving. It’s sickening. People just don’t talk like that to one another in actual society and shouldn’t, regardless of age.
109. E-mails from colleges that I haven’t even considered yelling at me about “missing their deadline.” Look, I know you purchased my information from Collegeboard for 32 cents and I’m fully aware that if I e-mail you back saying I don’t want to hear from you anymore, you’ll supposedly go away, but do you really expect me to exert that kind of effort? Perhaps your “failure to receive my application” indicates that I don’t give a crap about your school… but that would make sense, wouldn’t it? Speaking of which…
110. Collegeboard. Be it their gratuitous overpricing of everything, the utter bureaucracy, or the things they stretch with your “consent” (see 109), every facet of this organization irritates me to the core. Its utter Monopoly on high school testing is rather disturbing in the exorbitant amount of money it generates ripping us all off. Apparently, it’s working on a Middle School equivalent to the SAT. I can only exhort everybody within earshot not to jump on that bandwagon… we don’t need to feed this monster even more…
111. It seems that at any amusement park there seems to be those people that are obsessed with taking pictures… with a particular fixation for taking them in the middle of walkways. They could position themselves ANYWHERE ELSE other than exactly where I’m walking… yet they choose to take it right there. I swear, they do it just to spite ME.
112. Anybody over the age of 12 at those 3D movies who grab at the screen when the holograms pop out at them. This only accomplishes blocking other people’s views who want to enjoy the attraction. You’re accomplishing absolutely nothing. Once again, sometimes I find it hard to find the difference between just being “funny” and being an idiot, so I assume the latter.
113. On that subject, similar movies that designate themselves as “4D” when stuff pops out at you more. When stuff pops out on an additional axis “off the screen”, there’s already a name for that. You may have heard of it: 3D. Unless they’re actually going through time, I don’t want to have anything to do with these.
114. At Disneyland, the parades are always conveniently set up in such a way that there is no way to get ANYWHERE. You’re trapped watching large blocks with dancing costume freaks going by at 0.02 yoctometers per year. I want to actually do something worthwhile… or perhaps leave. Once again, here comes Disney siphoning our money and time any way it can...
115. The negative stigma that the word “overachiever” has taken on in the recent years. Since when is something or somebody performing above what is expected something to be looked down upon? Overachievement is highly relative, anyhow. Such labels as ‘overachiever’ and ‘underachiever’ are based on a static and incomplete understanding of the nature of intelligence. I know what I should be achieving. External standards or opinions are not issues.
116. When a teacher is writing on a whiteboard/chalkboard at such an angle that your view is obstructed by their body. It’s not this in itself that pisses me off so much as the fact that there’s no real polite way to tell them to move. It’s just one of those things you have to leave to that one person in your class that can pull it off as natural (Heheheh, Bennett…)
117. Record companies that call for their signed artists to “commercialize” their work. The whole point of the band coming together in the first place is to make their music their own way. You, as the record company, at least in theory, signed the band for their sound and their music, not to stifle their creativity. Then, it seems that this call for more “radio-friendly” music just results in a commercial flop. Go figure…
118. The fact that there’s no way to express condolences in English for an unfavorable situation involving somebody else that had nothing to do with you personally than “I’m sorry.” It always ends up in awkwardness when the person assures you that “it’s not your fault” and you’re completely aware of this. “My condolences” is about as close as it comes… but it still lacks something… sounds somewhat detached…
119. The nervous “courtesy laugh” some people give in response to an awkward statement that was perceived by the person who said it as funny. It really doesn’t accomplish anything and just sounds forced, resulting in either false satisfaction for the would-be joker or just rubs it in his/her face that he/she wasn’t funny. A simple “Fail” would do the trick better than this… and that’s saying something.
120. From my experience, there seems to be an inverse relationship between the simplicity of putting a given product back in its package properly and its proneness to malfunction. (That was probably ridiculously convoluted… sorry…) I buy a pair of headphones and, of course, and probably because the package requires being torn to shambles to retrieve them for use, the right speaker conks out on me after two hours of use. They’re probably doing it on purpose… oh how they love our money…
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Well, maybe your name can be said "dill-ANNE," emphasis on the last syllable, pronounced like the girl's name. Lol.
ReplyDeleteAlso, 'Fail' tends to bring on another round of courtesy laughter. You must read 'Watching the English' by Kate Fox. It is indeed a satire, but at points also explanatory. True, it describes the British English (I mean English that are Britons, not all inhabitants of the United Kingdom, by the way) but it explinas the basis and 'other branches' American social ettiquette and mannerisms could have gone on their little evolutionary path. All in all, most amusing.
Recommendations:
Genesis
Sequels that accomplish nothing and were made simply to make more money.
The little kid that cries the 'attention cry' in a nice restaurant simply because they are bored.
On the other hand, the adult version of this child, who brings various phones, ipods, gadgets, etc. to the dinner table due to their inability to converse.
The fact that due to medical advances and climate, lifestyle, genetics, etc., some people may well live for 100 years. This in itself is not annoying, but rather the fact that after 16, or in some cases, 15, years of life, only 3 or 4 of which they have been socially and politically aware, that is to say, mature enough to be less self-abosorbed and look at the world around them and the future before them, society demands that they pick a college and a major, now. This will, obviously, affect the rest of their lives: where they live, what they do for a living, how much they make, who they marry, what their children will do . . . it makes one just want to sit down with a good book and a nice, bitter cup of tea.
The fact that people over-sugar their tea to the point I smell sugar water, not tea and tea-flavors.
The jackasses that honk at me for using 1st gear as I make my first U-turn ever on a mjor street immediatly into a parking lot. Do you REALLY want me to go faster and kill veryone, or take a few seconds more as I trundle along on MAJOR STREETS AS PEOPLE WHIZ ALONG AT 40 TO 60 mph?! There was no one coming, and I didn't want to go THROUGH the center divider into oncoming traffic, idiot.
People who make me eat. Sometimes, I simply cannot handle food, like when I had a relatively large lunch or it is a hot summer day and eating more than a few bites at 12 noon, when the sun reaches it's apex in both height and heat, will make me vomit on you.
People who do not let me eat when I need to do so. Some people do something called sleeping, during which they cannot eat, since they are asleep. If you do not want me to break into a cold sweat, turn ashen gray, and faint on you, GET OUT OF MY WAY AND LET ME GET SOME SUGARS IN ME!! And yes, I do mean the girl rolling along in 1st gear in front of me. Move.
Lastly, people who glare when I walk past them AS THEY SMOKE with a handkecheif over my face. Don't give me that look as you corrupt your OWN lungs just because I don't want lung cancer.
There is actually a female Dylan who is a freshman at my school, which is interesting. She pronounces her name the same way I do. Even scarier, she has the same birthday as me, just 3 years younger. Now THAT'S weird...
ReplyDeleteThe "fail" brings on not quite courtesy laughter, but genuine laughter at the expense of the would-be joker, which can actually be alleviating. So that's a win-win, in a way.
I'll be sure to check out 'Watching the English' sometime after finals.
-Genesis = epic fail. 969 years old my foot...
-Meesa pointless sequel. Meesa blatant marketing tactic at siphoning your money-dollars...
-Ah, the attention cry. Gotta love it. *gag* Kinda like #6 with the babies in the movie theaters. It really does seem like an excuse to prove the fertility of the couple. But that does give me an idea... those "Baby on board" signs on cars...
-I could see myself writing a more extended rant on the lifespan thing... there's way too much to put there to crunch into 80 words or so. That would be a really good piece to write. Collaboration?
-Quite true on the tea thing. The point of a beverage is to be able to taste um... the beverage, not have it be overshadowed by the extra crap you put in there. I've never been a coffee fan, so I don't pretend I drink it by dumping 95,238 packs of Splenda in there, because it defeats the purpose of the drink. I do like tea, though, so I restrain myself with the sweetener and extra stuff.
-The driving rants will be pouring in soon... very soon...
-Smokers suck.
And I actually recently wrote a rant on the whole issue of eating:
126. When it is suggested that I eat when I’m not hungry. Given I’m almost eighteen years old (which is scary enough itself), I’m fairly sure I can figure out and have the willpower to successfully choose when I want to eat and when I don’t, based on actual hunger, rather than arbitrary times set by other people. Yes, I know, I should probably weigh more, but I’ll figure out how to remedy that on my own time…